either i left my weed at work or it's laying around the house someone

EITHER WAY IT'S NOT GOOD IF SOMEONE FINDS IT

fuck what if i get fired for having drugs at work??? this morning i totally forgot it was even in my bag gahhh

i'm so fucking tired. i was at work like 50 hours this week. will be there at least 45 next week. ahhh why couldn't i have transferred to a department with more than 8 people. also yesterday i took the blame for something that was at most only 60% my fault and that i didn't instigate.

fuck i'm hungry.

i don't feel the need to write anything clever because my week can really be summed up as such: work, work, work, sex and mari - joo - ah - na. now if i didn't have to work it would all be perfect.
but in all seriousness, as much as i may bitch about my job, i don't feel i've yet earned the right not to work, uni or not. i'm still figuring out how to fit it all in and some stuff i'm giving up but those are the sacrifices to make i s'pose.

thomas's party was good. so was piapia's even if the choof wasn't in service.

gahhh I hate coles die die die!!!!
I really wanted to take today off to go to the debate thing with my friends. you know... to have a life. and also to get some sleep; I was up all night AGAIN and I'm fucking tired.
so I try to call in... only to be transferred with the store manager who "doesn't believe I'm sick". okay, fair enough, I'm not. so I tell her the truth. I'm TIRED. I need some SLEEP.
At which point I get told she's getting really "frustrated" with me because there's always an "issue". Ummm, no, not really, except for the issue of being rostered on way too much. Which I apparently asked for. Ummmm. No. I asked for a consistent schedule of 15-20 hours a week, not 30+ hours and more often than not 35+. I mean, fuck, I'm glad you're so devoted but there's a number of issues at play here:

1) I am not full-time, or even part time. I'm casual. I should be able to turn down as many shifts as I want. However I always feel obligated to accept them even when it basically cancels out any chance of me sleeping properly for a week (or two)

2) I'm epileptic. My epilepsy is bought on by sleep deprivation and stress. And it's beginning to play up. What does that tell you?
2a) I'm on a shitload of medication which basically dopes me up and knocks me out cold. I feel like the walking fucking dead half the time.
FUCK YOU YOU MAY NOT THINK THESE ARE VALID MEDICAL ISSUES BUT THEY ARE!!!

3) I might have asked for more hours in the holidays. But I made it really clear that that wouldn't be the case once I started uni. Yeah, they've slowed down my hours since then... from like 50/week to 35. Still nowhere near the 15-20 I was asking for.

Yeah it may be immature to be so pissed off but I don't care. I'm fucking exhausted. And I got a uni assignment back yesterday with the comment "this is only JUST a pass" which should've been easy and I should've gotten a distinction+ for. But when was it due? In a week I was working like every day. When a fucking supermarket job is impacting on uni, there's a fucking problem.

I think I'm going to look for another job. She asked me to consider if I really wanted it and I don't. So fuck off and die Coles. die die die die.

well i'm kind of drunk and kind of pissed off about lots of things.ts of things. h

^^^^^that was the unfinished draft of my last entry. unsure when from. saturday? sunday? who knows.

I am writing in my journal because I am sick and tired and have a presentation to, like, present tomorrow. I will be shitty shitty shit. But hey, I have a day off work tomorrow! and moolah coming in! yesss go life. It will be momentarily better from 1.30 tomorrow afternoon to approx. 12pm Thursday (when I must resume working).

AN OPEN LETTER TO ALL SYDNEYSIDERS

dear over 18 sydneysiders

COME TO DRUM N BASS BBQ @ MANNING BAR THIS SATURDAY. it will be awesome times. plus I'll be there. hott.
and st patricks day is on a FRIDAY!!! best weekend evar like omg!!!1111

so i was boring last night and stayed home and watched return of the jedi and fell asleep early.

and it could be just me, but the end of the movie didn't always feature hayden christensen alongside obi-wan and yoda right?

well things are ok. i'm about to go check out a car. sex sex.
last night i hung out with sam & got stoned & ate too much. but it was a good time i think. i hate how i always get extra super dooper horny right in the middle of my period. ah! bad timing!
uni is okay... a lot of work and reading and i think my brain fell out right when i put my pen down and finished modern history last year.

uni starts tomorrow. classes and all. eeek.

i have a very sore and tender lump under my arm. yes i may be 18 but i've got a history of breast cancer on both sides of the gene pool. i know it's okay to be at least a little freaked out cos i told/showed mum tonight and she was concerned too. i know that at my age it is unlikely to be cancer and i don't really feel unwell so it's probably nothing but... still.

OH WELL. there's nothing i can do and if i'm sick i'm sick and if i die i die. in the meantime i'm just going to feel nervous about my very first day at university and sing along baaaadly to nirvana.

take advantage while you hang me out to dry
but i can't see you every night
freeeeeeee

ohhh apparently i've been evicted from my room. OVER MY DEAD FUCKING BODY. alexander can try moving in if he wants, but i'm not getting out til i'm damn well ready. if they try this shit i'm going to make life uncomfortable for everyone. i wonder how great they'll think it is when i'm waking hannah up at 5am+ every time i go out. AND I WILL DO IT. I SO WILL.

i know how this all sounds but i've decided this is the way to deal with my parents. with lots and lots of attitude. because frankly? my father is NO ONE to lecture me about fucking up every chance you get given. if i have to listen to his drunken, hypocritical ramblings about how i'm such a fucking monster one more time plates will get thrown.

the stupid thing is i know they would all miss me if i moved out if only for the fact that they'd have to actually find a fucking babysitter for once and not expect me to drop all my plans.

well now i'm just pissed off. it's mostly just pms plus nerves. so i'm going to SHUT THE FUCK UP and wait for criminal intent to come on. cos CHIS NOTH IS ON. oh dear god he's soooo hot. i don't care if he's like a hundred million years old, the man has sex appeal oooooozing from him.

went to drum'n'bass at the abercrombie last night. had a good time even if some creepy guy did ask for my underwear. am totally hungover and now have to go to work. ahhh!

also; parental problems. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i'm tired. tired tired tired. i have worked 6 of the last seven days. also working tomorrow, monday, wednesday, friday and saturday, at least. if they offer me more shifts i'll take them. i had to get up at like 7 this morning and actually did it but didn't get enough sleep. at least i got only had to do like an hour and a half in service before going to deli the rest of the day. yes i am filthy and smell of raw meat / fetta juice / soy / olives / grease and various other things.

on the upside as of wednesday i will be riiiiich! rich rich rich!
on the downside yesterday when i was at the atm this retard came and started pawing me and saying things like "we're friends" and "can i poke you?". so i walked away and left my card in the machine. i cancelled it like right away but now i have to wait until friday til i can easily access my money. and even if i could i'm working wednesday so i can't go out and spend $549.60 of my $550 paycheque for the week.


note to self: do not work next sunday before 12. i need to go out damnit. like seriously yesterday i got home from work determined to get to sleep early and in the end it was the same result as if i'd gone out clubbing all night, albeit without the hangover.

oh well la la la la. i'm really bored and i think i'm going to shower cos i smeeeeeeell. the deli is smelly.

that ad for ky warming liquid (ie lube) just came on tv and my little sister asked me "where do you put that?"

i just went "ummmmm" and ignored her.

i totally did the right thing right? i mean, she's 8, she doesn't need to know about lubricants yet.